Oh, and if you're recovering from an ED - good for you, but this isn't the place for you.
And if you are "suffering" from an ED - follow the recoveries. This isn't a place for "victims".
This is a choice,
not an excuse,
not a spotlight,
not a statement,
and definitely not a disease.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Here's the dealll

So, I guess since everything has calmed down, I can give you the deets about the breakup dundundun...
It wasn't bad. It was just really sad, to be honest. He came over and I just kindof lowered my head and said 'I know' and he just held me. We went upstairs and started to talk. There was no hostility and we were both on the same level of understanding. The distance would be too much and we are at points in our lives when things are changing rapidly and keeping up a steady relationship would be too much effort. Personally, I think relationships need a combination of elements to survive. You need attraction (sexually and mentally), conflict, and convenience. And as strong as the attraction may be, you will always need the two other elements. Having a relationship without conflict is pointless. You need a partner who challenges you and recognises your flaws and loves you anyway. Convenience comes from a variety of subcategories, but the main idea is : how often will you see eachother? And this was turning into once a week if we were lucky. And even then, he would be wrapped up in  homework and I'd busy myself with dinner or working out or something of the like.
But ANYWAYSSS back on track with the story... convenience just wasn't there. So we hugged and kissed and he told me I would always be his first love. By then, my face was covered in face juice but I kissed him anways and told him the same. Also told him he would be my only Chicken Ball and he said I'd be his only Spring Roll (our nicknames we made up when really high and eating sushi). Then we reminiced on the past. Like our first hookup and how awkward it was LOL. About how we used to take walks in the "romantic snow" (big slow fluffy pieces) and how we drove together all the time. I agreed I'd still visit after a while (a long while) and I refused to say goodbye and said "see you later".  Then he left.
So, pretty much went as smoothly as a breakup could (minus me looking horrible because I was leaking from my face).
So, yeah.
And it will take me a while to get over this. I'll probably never get "over it". I'll just grow to accept it. And I know if we ever do meet up down the road... well, I guess we'll see then.
For now, things are good. I worked til 6 last night (Blagh - 10 hour day) and then drove about 40 minutes to pick up my IDs I accidently left with a friend, dove home, and crashed.
Now I'm at work with 2 1/2 hours to go. At 6, I've got a date. Actually, I lied, it's not a date. We met about 3 years ago and have been in touch on and off and made a few plans and ditched and whatnot. Now we both drive and he's picking me up and taking me to Booster Juice. I'm excited!  get to test out my oh-so-rusty flirtation skills. I'll let you ladies know how it goes ;) (Obvi won't be hooking up - too soon for that!)

On the thin side, I know I haven't written much about my weight lately, just because I've been waiting to get back on track so I don't bore you all with the negatives. ("oh, I binged again" "damn, I ate dinner last night" blah blah blah). So, I'm still sitting at 122 I think. My scale at the office measures in Kg and it's one of the weird medical ones. I have to buy my own. I eat a banana for breakfast every morning, Diet Pepsi and tea during the day, Rice Cake and/or fruit for lunch, and dinner fluctuates every night. Last night I had about 10 Tostidos (oops!) and grapes. So, the weight might not be getting lower, but I know it will if I keep at this pace.
So, enough with my boring rambling. Here's some thinspo.
Clothing company Sophomore has done it again! Their Lookbook is unreal. It was all shot by Cass Bird. An amazing photographer. The models and the atmosphere they create just by being casual and beautiful is admirable. Take a look!

This is Sophomore's Lookbook site. Have a browse :)

Now I'm going off to FB and/or text some boys from the past 10 months I wasn't allowed to pursue. Hurrah for me!

Love you all and hope you're having wonderful days


  1. It was a lot like that when my ex fiance and I broke up... something just wasnt there anymore, but we were both so sad about it. it was like, "we really should break it off..." and we both cried like babies and held each other and then I moved out...

    it was sooo exciting to start flirting again and realize that my ex boyfriend wasnt the only person who could ever love me!

    the thinspo was so beautiful! it makes me want to be a waif and dress like a vagabond, haha

  2. glad the break-up wasnt too messy & you are feeling good about the whole situation!
    & 122 is brilliant! :)

  3. YAY! Totally in! Hope your "date" was fun! :)

  4. Ahh, so I finally have time to catch up on my reading. I'm so proud of how you handled your breakup!! You're so strong. I REALLY hope your date went well last night :)