Oh, and if you're recovering from an ED - good for you, but this isn't the place for you.
And if you are "suffering" from an ED - follow the recoveries. This isn't a place for "victims".
This is a choice,
not an excuse,
not a spotlight,
not a statement,
and definitely not a disease.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I hate not Blogging

Sitting in a corner, head to the wall, the little white lies who march out your mouth so proudly light up the room. And when every corner is lit and every lie has been told, you spin around, ever so slowly. Your back slides against the wall, you're falling to the floor, your mouth gaping open, a black hole no longer spilling the light. You hit the ground and you realize your lies have closed you in.

Wrote that as a draft post last week and was going to finish it this week, but I don't think it needs finishing.
It's been a long day. It's been a long week. Felt some tangs of loneliness and worthlessness I haven't in a while. I realized that I am a person of impulsive behaviors. Well, I'm still a person of impulsive behaviors.
When I was 13, my parents sent me to a phsychologist after finding out I'd been drinking, smoking, having sex, blazing, and lying all the time. It was pretty normal stuff. I was young, but I wasn't the only one doing it. But the difference was that I would always take things further. The next level. I'd go and go and go until my parents stopped me and I learned how to make educated decisions. It's part of the reason I'm so laid back now. I know how to take a step back and look into a situation and asses it before making a decision.
Welllllll. It's coming back. Part of me loves it, the other part... not so much. I impulsively and repeatedly have sex with people I've just met and binge eat.
I don't know where I was going with that but now that I've admitted to it, it's off my mind.
God, I have so much to tell you girls!!!!!
I've been living with my friend in Toronto, so it's impossible to get on Blogger. But I promise I WILL CATCH UP!!!

As for how I've been doing? Hmm. Halloween I was down to 120 and happy. Looking dec. My stomach was practically flat. But that was after not eating for 2 days. The picture of me in my costume's on the left. Bad quality but whatevs.
I was talking to Princess Smile about doing a week on week off deal (eat normally for a week, restrict for a week) but that's not going to work. I'll end up binging. And I'm so constapated. All I want are my laxatives. It's mostly because I've been eating a lot of meat and I'm on my rag. Blagh.
Someone commented on my blag a while back saying not to get too involved with laxatives because they aren't goo for me. Can someone please tell me if anything we are doing is 'good' for us? I mean, exercising is as close as it gets but exercising on an empty stomach (which is what we all do) is super dangerous. So is restricting, so is binging, so is purging... So I can't be too bothered about admitting I use too many laxies.

Anyways. God. This post is so boring. I apologize. I'll find you girlies some thinspo and I'll comment on some of my new followers :) Honestly - appreciate everything so much, girls.
To make it more interesting, some of my recent Facebook tagged pictures (well, crops of them... I don't want my face on here.)

Top left: Ribs from the top
Top right: Collarbones!
Left: My tattoo. Huray :)

The moment I get out this office, I'm purging and having a smoke and perhaps going shoplifting in Kensington market then having a big glass of wine when I get home.

Love you guys. And as I said, I promise I'll check up!


  1. Hello, just thought I would introduce myself babe. I'm sally, I really like your blog, it's different to the other girls.. I like what you wrote at the beginning of your post, reminds me of something I would write.
    Anyway, I figure we are pretty similar, if thats you in those photos, well, we have similar collarbones and I weigh about 118, so we are also of a similar weight.
    I just made the connection and wanted you to know I appreciate your blog. :)take care hun.

  2. oh my god, you are sooo skinny! im so jealous lol. i love the tat by the way. if you do go shoplifting(which i dont advise) be very careful not to get caught. you look like your doing great just be careful.
    stay strong