Oh, and if you're recovering from an ED - good for you, but this isn't the place for you.
And if you are "suffering" from an ED - follow the recoveries. This isn't a place for "victims".
This is a choice,
not an excuse,
not a spotlight,
not a statement,
and definitely not a disease.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I feel so selfish

I'm going to write another post about ME. Yeah, I'm feeling greedy, but I just need this out.
I've gained 5 lbs. since Halloween. I fast tomorrow. I eat under 500 calories Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to fast all next week. I will only drink diet coke and eat ricecakes when I have to. Any dinner I am made to eat, I'll purge.
I'm not good with setting limits for myself, but I need it this time.
I need this I need this I need this.
I'll be reading and commenting but I won't post until I've lost those 5 pounds. I just don't want to bring you all down here with me. It's not fun.
Oh, and on another note... I saw this documentary on pro ana/mia blogs and it infuriated me. Some people are so naive to think that they have the right to step into the ring of someone's private life. I let you all in our of trust. What people don't fucking get is that we aren't trying to hurt one another. Everything we do revolves around food. It's always on our minds. Settled in the back or right in the middle of our attention; it's there. Be it insecurity, chemical imbalance in the brain, anger, what have you, those not infected do not and will not ever understand.
Thanks for being here girls.
Thanks for everything.


  1. sounds like your having the same kinda day as me.
    good luck, i kno u can do it girl!

  2. Thank you SO much. It's not something people outside of this will understand. It's not as simple as just being forced to eat a hamburger and everything will be okay. We need places like this to be able to talk with others who are trying to deal with these thoughts every day, just to keep some semblance of sanity. Just to know that there are others out there who can't eat a little stinking cookie without feeling guilty. Thank you, thank you!


  3. I hope you get through it! I did almost the same thing... I need to lose it bad.

  4. hey hun! ahh i really cant do our weekly weigh in, although that is exactly what i need!! its just unpredictable when i can get on here, so i wouldnt be a very good buddy, im so sorry.
    good luck hun :)

  5. I hope you're well on your way to losing the 5 lbs hun. I gained 6 freaking lbs =( Stay strong and struggle though this, you know you can lose the lbs you just have to stay focused!
    Looking forward to another post soon.. oh and I absolutely adore your feather tat, gorgeous. Did you get it done at a place in Toronto? How much did it cost if you don't mind me asking.

  6. Oh I hear you!
    Nobody can get it unless they're in it.
    Good luck on those 5 pounds. I'm with you.

  7. hey, thanks for the comment.
    yeah I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and not say a word unless they mention it, I am not going to say a thing in case it is just me being crazy.
    but I am working out all the options I have, and which is the most believable and best one to tell. If I have been caught, fingers crossed that my lies will cover my ass!

  8. I hope you are having much better luck than I am! Stopped running due to injury, loving our GTA weather but we know it will end sooner or later :( Was restricting on the higher end of about 800/day and not an oz gone. How is that possible after a week? I feel like giving up but I have so much to lose. I hate this! After so many babies I will never have your perfect bodies and I hate it!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Just thinking of you and hope you update soon!