Oh, and if you're recovering from an ED - good for you, but this isn't the place for you.
And if you are "suffering" from an ED - follow the recoveries. This isn't a place for "victims".
This is a choice,
not an excuse,
not a spotlight,
not a statement,
and definitely not a disease.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I have a facination with mental illnesses. I find them so intriguing. So, it's only natural that I'd love 'Girl, Interrupted' both a book and a movie. It's a true story based on Susana Kaysen's stay at a mental institution. I've seen the movie loads of times (Angelina Jolie is fucking ace in the film) and I started reading the book a second time this morning. I'm reading it to my mom. We carpool to work, so sometimes I read in the car because our ride can take up to an hour.
Some photos from the film:

So, today I went back through things I've written recently and dug up an old free verse (practically everything I write is free verse). It's supposed to be centered on multi-personality disorder. I feel like I should elaborate on it, but I'm not in the mood to write today. I tried to switch perspectives with each new stanza. Enjoy :)

Even With Our Eyes Closed

A passing wind who slices through the pines. You cut down all my trees.

You starve me; exhaust me.
Your breath in my lungs, you disgust me.
Your lumbering figure merely an outline against that background you call home. Goodbye, darling, I’ll wait in the foreground.
Where art thou sanity? Juliet’s not weeping for you tonight. So finish that bottle of wine, swallow that poison, your toes curling, vision swirling. Hug your porcelain teddy bear.
Fly away with the crows.
Acid stomach reflux. Your insides are crawling. Let the secrets leak out. Let them devour you. And I’ll be watching as the crows pick at what’s left.
Your heavy days turn to sleepless nights turn to knots impossible to untangle.
Your mind is a zoo. Infested. Bared teeth and glowering eyes. Skeletal fingers wrapped around rusted bars. You won’t escape.
You are my heel. You are my everything my nothing my something. I am your plaything.
You’re a fucking coward. Go, on, fly away without me.

You’re pathetic.
Straightened cutlery on a silver napkin. My china, you’re so breakable. So fragile.
Hardened steps. Calculated breaths. Let me guess.
Oh, you’re quick to talk to my back. You better be quick to catch up.

Impatient clicking tongue, there’s no need to wait. You know I’m done.
Tic Tac Nothing. Stop crossing the lines. This isn’t a game.
Fuck you.
It will take more than a little glitter to make me step on glass.
You have nowhere to go. There’s no heaven in your sky. There’s no life in your eyes.
Just a little touch of high.

I don’t have to look back to know you’re watching even with our eyes closed.

The white lies come marching off your tongue and light up our room.
I love you. Wait up

Blah blah blah what to write...
I'm keeping track of my calories every day now. I'm too lazy to write everything down, though, but I can tell you I'm back to losing weight instead of gaining it. I don't know my exact weight because I don't have a scale. I'll let you know when I have numbers.
Oh, and I had a shitload of thinspo saved on my computer to post today but my computer got a virus and had to be sent in to get fixed, so I deleted it all in a frenzie.
Hope you're all doing lovely. I'm going to go pretend to eat lunch now.
Stay Skinny


  1. Beautiful poetry!!! Wow... I wish I could write like that... I'm a tough critic too, so you know what's up. ;D

    And the fascination with mental illnesses... I got it too. I'm a psych major now because I can't imagine it any other way. Haha

  2. I saw Girl, Interrupted when I was 12 and had the same fascination ever since. Now I'm studying psychology....it's perfect.

  3. that movie is awesome!! and the book too
    i luv ur verses they are so pretty
    take care & stay skinny :)

  4. I'm new on here, so I hope you don't mind me commenting your blog. I love Girl Interrupted. The photos you put on here are amazing.

    Thanks for you thoughts. :)