tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68181837053323870872024-03-13T12:34:21.395-04:00Weighting to Escape: A Pro AnaMia BlogForever Ago Forgotten
Wearing Thin Like CottonWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-51345275646409381222009-12-21T09:20:00.000-05:002009-12-21T09:20:31.834-05:00I Promise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjOZ-DCjjvFK4nVRxAazOh1cggo2Ojs6lGr_dqIeshmBLvHRQqyXOLAu6NE3YvbcRyahzWTITjYqVt2aqyVXmvsMtFS2xM34C1AfYw6Iva4A_522AkO7A8i9jHB_wEqIPrdXNPbVFqsS0/s1600-h/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjOZ-DCjjvFK4nVRxAazOh1cggo2Ojs6lGr_dqIeshmBLvHRQqyXOLAu6NE3YvbcRyahzWTITjYqVt2aqyVXmvsMtFS2xM34C1AfYw6Iva4A_522AkO7A8i9jHB_wEqIPrdXNPbVFqsS0/s400/a.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS7J7VjvItrms5k9k38PdcHske92351N3u1QHBajbbKjtekj1i5Hii-RRXJnAPhLmfJ_TiY0xhh8KT1VzTOx61urkZQVGd7tRdpkkE3u2UoZRx7G_xRrzgzez2KkqdqFbDgpf00qZgcLw/s1600-h/b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS7J7VjvItrms5k9k38PdcHske92351N3u1QHBajbbKjtekj1i5Hii-RRXJnAPhLmfJ_TiY0xhh8KT1VzTOx61urkZQVGd7tRdpkkE3u2UoZRx7G_xRrzgzez2KkqdqFbDgpf00qZgcLw/s400/b.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglmmHDPvL3zLhwRLrngtWxtBJEud00nxAwmAE6p1P_YkSdB7IokETKbzWroFpSPUbCfV5wbXv0KELKQuw4pi_axGdO3FAm27F_X_hkFD5aqmsbLT4FYcgppidA0CoMn2f6D8i7VLhC794/s1600-h/c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglmmHDPvL3zLhwRLrngtWxtBJEud00nxAwmAE6p1P_YkSdB7IokETKbzWroFpSPUbCfV5wbXv0KELKQuw4pi_axGdO3FAm27F_X_hkFD5aqmsbLT4FYcgppidA0CoMn2f6D8i7VLhC794/s400/c.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAxx18W-gS28whl_-pvip_aCX4xG_wJY_7qUoGs41YFnRZZuiYo6eyZx9yLIzVaH3ZdCwIRGe6OO-VN_t-fQpeI-tMye1fxfo6jF6fkO_pIoqUxzW7YYD1PX5LDzUFrMcobZQPjoIhNhA/s1600-h/d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAxx18W-gS28whl_-pvip_aCX4xG_wJY_7qUoGs41YFnRZZuiYo6eyZx9yLIzVaH3ZdCwIRGe6OO-VN_t-fQpeI-tMye1fxfo6jF6fkO_pIoqUxzW7YYD1PX5LDzUFrMcobZQPjoIhNhA/s400/d.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7rStZRmX_f_mWK0tSN1cLk6mzfVPfEEcR6xIa05ckDASagD9crmIZarpLFpC09aLdElW82vJiAugZ-HBcJRP72od8948mKBFALHj-0STbD0B-WgEYWukI6lC9Fwfu6-Ys6-oKbWo6FY/s1600-h/e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7rStZRmX_f_mWK0tSN1cLk6mzfVPfEEcR6xIa05ckDASagD9crmIZarpLFpC09aLdElW82vJiAugZ-HBcJRP72od8948mKBFALHj-0STbD0B-WgEYWukI6lC9Fwfu6-Ys6-oKbWo6FY/s400/e.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdetEruZezdCDrNAG17tWc7zUmAXXBlXxLZC5VAnk23FDzBcgxcN0RxeXEHCBls6YWBH7UY3wJlr-sKZY2eflD4ccgDsVkDNb_kwNG87DhtQrbnKKY7dmPYxxG2YhD_8a7hKv34zuqBo/s1600-h/f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdetEruZezdCDrNAG17tWc7zUmAXXBlXxLZC5VAnk23FDzBcgxcN0RxeXEHCBls6YWBH7UY3wJlr-sKZY2eflD4ccgDsVkDNb_kwNG87DhtQrbnKKY7dmPYxxG2YhD_8a7hKv34zuqBo/s400/f.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwzGqnhlOKKhXTAbWcwFYea6JshGXtCGoLL4QxmPydOkdD6Bqx-k53zwNKIqLhJ3I_kWrtPaBbXdc9NlWLPyOcKA62PZQLUuQqDxlu6if_bb_C9MVtzmeXgdYQYeHuIFqTSSZ4DRK-4q8/s1600-h/g.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwzGqnhlOKKhXTAbWcwFYea6JshGXtCGoLL4QxmPydOkdD6Bqx-k53zwNKIqLhJ3I_kWrtPaBbXdc9NlWLPyOcKA62PZQLUuQqDxlu6if_bb_C9MVtzmeXgdYQYeHuIFqTSSZ4DRK-4q8/s400/g.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-69989913248089084932009-12-09T13:10:00.001-05:002009-12-09T14:13:36.491-05:00FascinationI have a facination with mental illnesses. I find them so intriguing. So, it's only natural that I'd love 'Girl, Interrupted' both a book and a movie. It's a true story based on Susana Kaysen's stay at a mental institution. I've seen the movie loads of times (Angelina Jolie is fucking ace in the film) and I started reading the book a second time this morning. I'm reading it to my mom. We carpool to work, so sometimes I read in the car because our ride can take up to an hour.<br />
Some photos from the film:<br />
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</div>So, today I went back through things I've written recently and dug up an old free verse (practically everything I write is free verse). It's supposed to be centered on multi-personality disorder. I feel like I should elaborate on it, but I'm not in the mood to write today. I tried to switch perspectives with each new stanza. Enjoy :)<br />
<br />
Even With Our Eyes Closed<br />
<br />
<em>A passing wind who slices through the pines. You cut down all my trees. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>You starve me; exhaust me. </em><br />
<em>Your breath in my lungs, you disgust me. </em><br />
<em>Your lumbering figure merely an outline against that background you call home. Goodbye, darling, I’ll wait in the foreground. </em><br />
<em>Where art thou sanity? Juliet’s not weeping for you tonight. So finish that bottle of wine, swallow that poison, your toes curling, vision swirling. Hug your porcelain teddy bear. </em><br />
<em>Fly away with the crows. </em><br />
<em>Acid stomach reflux. Your insides are crawling. Let the secrets leak out. Let them devour you. And I’ll be watching as the crows pick at what’s left. </em><br />
<em>Your heavy days turn to sleepless nights turn to knots impossible to untangle. </em><br />
<em>Your mind is a zoo. Infested. Bared teeth and glowering eyes. Skeletal fingers wrapped around rusted bars. You won’t escape. </em><br />
<em>You are my heel. You are my everything my nothing my something. I am your plaything. </em><br />
<em>You’re a fucking coward. Go, on, fly away without me. </em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>You’re pathetic. </em><br />
<em>Straightened cutlery on a silver napkin. My china, you’re so breakable. So fragile. </em><br />
<em>Hardened steps. Calculated breaths. Let me guess. </em><br />
<em>Oh, you’re quick to talk to my back. You better be quick to catch up. </em><br />
<br />
<em>Impatient clicking tongue, there’s no need to wait. You know I’m done. </em><br />
<em>Tic Tac Nothing. Stop crossing the lines. This isn’t a game. </em><br />
<em>Fuck you. </em><br />
<em>It will take more than a little glitter to make me step on glass. </em><br />
<em>You have nowhere to go. There’s no heaven in your sky. There’s no life in your eyes. </em><br />
<em>Just a little touch of high. </em><br />
<br />
<em>I don’t have to look back to know you’re watching even with our eyes closed. </em><br />
<br />
<em>The white lies come marching off your tongue and light up our room. </em><br />
<em>I love you. Wait up</em><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Blah blah blah what to write...<br />
I'm keeping track of my calories every day now. I'm too lazy to write everything down, though, but I can tell you I'm back to losing weight instead of gaining it. I don't know my exact weight because I don't have a scale. I'll let you know when I have numbers.<br />
Oh, and I had a shitload of thinspo saved on my computer to post today but my computer got a virus and had to be sent in to get fixed, so I deleted it all in a frenzie.<br />
Hope you're all doing lovely. I'm going to go pretend to eat lunch now.<br />
Stay Skinny<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-46749164748460808972009-12-02T13:01:00.000-05:002009-12-02T13:01:51.911-05:00This My ExcavationSo, as promised, thinspo... And a little something different at the end of the post.<br />
<a href="http://www.jamesmountford.com/">James Mountford</a><br />
The following are several of his shots from different projects he has worked on. All of which are bindblowingly gorgeous. I love that they're all black and white; the natural shadows created by the divets and such in the model's bodies in combination with the harsh light.... ah. Just take a look.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And the following is a piece of writing I'm working on. It's not done yet. I've noticed my writing has stepped away from being about specifics and become very vague and abstract. I've been working on using allusions and delving into more complex literary devices.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>As I fell, the sun did nothing but mutter deep yellows and reds.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>I waded into this flood and it’s Challenger Deep. </em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Crossed fingers are praying I’ll float where I usually sink. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>These semantics are semi-antic and semi-</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>My mind running blind and naked down a dirt road in no one’s home town.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Created and embellished to slowly crawl in circles, </em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>I’m gaining no ground, becoming unbound</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Only to match my tracks until I break. </em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Scuttling of leaves on the canvas of a yard</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>The apple tree screams autumn</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>And I realized I hate this season because everything’s dying</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>And with melted wings, there’s no flying</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Away from here.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Hollow walls and empty shelves are constantly shaking,</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Scared to smell like a new family</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>And they’ll grab onto my ankles and weigh me down.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>This crippling insomnia has me on my knees, </em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Begging the Sandman to grind crushed stones into mine hollow seas.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Smoke escapes chapped lips</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Spun, Measured, Cut</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>And by your palm whispered “cut short”</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Sprinting through tears, shrugged away.</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>Feet of lead, my winged fingers billow in the breath of the changing tides </em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>As Sun mutters her way to the sky</em><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><em>This tether is merely feathers</em><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><em>Just play the sun and let me fall</em></span><br />
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Well, I'm out.<br />
Hope you enjoyed :)<br />
Stay Skinny <br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-64263461403044878302009-12-01T10:27:00.000-05:002009-12-01T10:27:27.193-05:00Here We GoHey Guys - Just thought I'd let you know I'm back on track and feeling stronger than ever. I've accepted that weekends are not going to be great (seeing as my drunk self always feels McDonalds is necessary) but I'll try my best and keep strong during the week.<br />
First off, if you want a good laugh, go to my last post and check out the comments. I got a good chuckle out of it. Oh, the naivity! haha<br />
Goalwise, I'm GOING to be at 115 by New Years. It will be so hard to stay down over Christmas but GOOD NEWS!!! My sister has a soccer tournament in Florida and I opted not to go (I played rep soccer for 9 years, so I've had my fair share of being dragged around). My family leaves on Christmas day. This means I'm not going to my uncle's (he makes phenominal food and they all smoke a lot of pot. This combo = death) so I'll only have one Christmas dinner! I also have the house to myself for the week right before New Years. Perhaps things are going to start working out for me :)<br />
As for everything else, it's all pretty boring. I'm going to a psychic tonight with two of my friends which I'm really excited for. I'll let you all know how it goes.<br />
<br />
And yet another busy day at work has my hands full, so I leave you all here. I'll post some thinspo tomorrow.<br />
Glad to be back.<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-76265923822187855192009-11-20T10:39:00.000-05:002009-11-20T10:39:08.814-05:00Crash and BurnI'm a mess.<br />
I'm fucked up through and through. <br />
Something's wrong with me and I just figured out what it is.<br />
<br />
I'm mad.<br />
I'm fucking angry.<br />
All the time.<br />
<br />
I'm mad at my sister for not giving two shits about anyone but herself.<br />
I'm mad at my mom for staying in a job she hates and treating me like a child.<br />
I'm mad at my dad for placing my sister on a pedestil when she does fuck all.<br />
I'm mad at B for using her "self-conciousness" to manipulate people.<br />
I'm mad at A for deciding she doesn't want to go to the same university as me.<br />
I'm mad at my boss for piling his work on me.<br />
I'm mad at the woman on the phone yesterday for being so fucking thick.<br />
I'm mad at M for being skinnier than me.<br />
I'm mad <br />
I'm mad<br />
I'm mad<br />
At the whole fucking world.<br />
<br />
And starving myself, purging, feeling that emptiness inside; it all helps me deal with the anger.<br />
When I'm empty I can float right on by everyone. But I'm not empty. I'm fat and disgusting and...<br />
You guessed it. I'm mad. <br />
<br />
So I'm taking everything to new extremes. I will no longer be angry with myself. I will do this. <br />
I NEED TO DO THIS.<br />
<br />
I will probably be taking a break from blogging. I don't know where I'm headed, but I know it's somewhere good. And when I get there, I'll let you all know.Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-69175063316378042942009-11-05T12:41:00.000-05:002009-11-05T12:41:48.612-05:00I feel so selfishI'm going to write another post about ME. Yeah, I'm feeling greedy, but I just need this out.<br />
I've gained 5 lbs. since Halloween. I fast tomorrow. I eat under 500 calories Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to fast all next week. I will only drink diet coke and eat ricecakes when I have to. Any dinner I am made to eat, I'll purge.<br />
I'm not good with setting limits for myself, but I need it this time.<br />
I need this I need this I need this.<br />
I'll be reading and commenting but I won't post until I've lost those 5 pounds. I just don't want to bring you all down here with me. It's not fun.<br />
Oh, and on another note... I saw this documentary on pro ana/mia blogs and it infuriated me. Some people are so naive to think that they have the right to step into the ring of someone's private life. I let you all in our of trust. What people don't fucking get is that we aren't trying to hurt one another. Everything we do revolves around food. It's always on our minds. Settled in the back or right in the middle of our attention; it's there. Be it insecurity, chemical imbalance in the brain, anger, what have you, those not infected do not and will not ever understand.<br />
Thanks for being here girls.<br />
Thanks for everything.Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-32573043523656273312009-11-04T15:17:00.001-05:002009-11-04T15:23:02.790-05:00I hate not BloggingSitting in a corner, head to the wall, the little white lies who march out your mouth so proudly light up the room. And when every corner is lit and every lie has been told, you spin around, ever so slowly. Your back slides against the wall, you're falling to the floor, your mouth gaping open, a black hole no longer spilling the light. You hit the ground and you realize your lies have closed you in.<br />
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</div>Wrote that as a draft post last week and was going to finish it this week, but I don't think it needs finishing. <br />
It's been a long day. It's been a long week. Felt some tangs of loneliness and worthlessness I haven't in a while. I realized that I am a person of impulsive behaviors. Well, I'm <em>still</em> a person of impulsive behaviors.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">When I was 13, my parents sent me to a phsychologist after finding out I'd been drinking, smoking, having sex, blazing, and lying all the time. It was pretty normal stuff. I was young, but I wasn't the only one doing it. But the difference was that I would always take things further. The next level. I'd go and go and go until my parents stopped me and I learned how to make educated decisions. It's part of the reason I'm so laid back now. I know how to take a step back and look into a situation and asses it before making a decision.<br />
</div>Welllllll. It's coming back. Part of me loves it, the other part... not so much. I impulsively and repeatedly have sex with people I've just met and binge eat. <br />
I don't know where I was going with that but now that I've admitted to it, it's off my mind.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">God, I have so much to tell you girls!!!!!<br />
</div>I've been living with my friend in Toronto, so it's impossible to get on Blogger. But I promise I WILL CATCH UP!!!<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP6JiawRbP_UMpWJiDa91PDuXIPN-xhZJFCGsfXPIN-6IZSb91laWH2FaXL7ef0LqmOzH0Zlgc_8ZG7OGythtnE9T718ceieUDZRXG_0VhbQZ8KV5U2FRSkC9I9s9Iebd5uPEFRe9lqf8/s1600-h/costumetings.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP6JiawRbP_UMpWJiDa91PDuXIPN-xhZJFCGsfXPIN-6IZSb91laWH2FaXL7ef0LqmOzH0Zlgc_8ZG7OGythtnE9T718ceieUDZRXG_0VhbQZ8KV5U2FRSkC9I9s9Iebd5uPEFRe9lqf8/s320/costumetings.JPG" vr="true" /></a>As for how I've been doing? Hmm. Halloween I was down to 120 and happy. Looking dec. My stomach was practically flat. But that was after not eating for 2 days. The picture of me in my costume's on the left. Bad quality but whatevs. <br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I was talking to Princess Smile about doing a week on week off deal (eat normally for a week, restrict for a week) but that's not going to work. I'll end up binging. And I'm so constapated. All I want are my laxatives. It's mostly because I've been eating a lot of meat and I'm on my rag. Blagh.<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Someone commented on my blag a while back saying not to get too involved with laxatives because they aren't goo for me. Can someone please tell me if anything we are doing is 'good' for us? I mean, exercising is as close as it gets but exercising on an empty stomach (which is what we all do) is super dangerous. So is restricting, so is binging, so is purging... So I can't be too bothered about admitting I use too many laxies. <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Anyways. God. This post is so boring. I apologize. I'll find you girlies some thinspo and I'll comment on some of my new followers :) Honestly - appreciate everything so much, girls. <br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">To make it more interesting, some of my recent Facebook tagged pictures (well, crops of them... I don't want my face on here.)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgraUxdafOIjYHTTFxQagBwT5CP4ErNo583UWl9Kc6KETqWBSwooY-9DlHmNR0yWRQCAMu-Gsu2TmXPfhXrxz1uWUTAlZomxeqbdf6C7KbCXwcaG9NGVl2yQpEXZdCxVEVJL3GrwIzKF5o/s1600-h/feathtings.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; height: 173px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 240px;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgraUxdafOIjYHTTFxQagBwT5CP4ErNo583UWl9Kc6KETqWBSwooY-9DlHmNR0yWRQCAMu-Gsu2TmXPfhXrxz1uWUTAlZomxeqbdf6C7KbCXwcaG9NGVl2yQpEXZdCxVEVJL3GrwIzKF5o/s400/feathtings.JPG" vr="true" /></a><br />
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<br />
Top left: Ribs from the top<br />
Top right: Collarbones!<br />
Left: My tattoo. Huray :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The moment I get out this office, I'm purging and having a smoke and perhaps going shoplifting in Kensington market then having a big glass of wine when I get home.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Love you guys. And as I said, I promise I'll check up!<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-76327733889035817042009-10-23T10:21:00.000-04:002009-10-23T10:21:02.285-04:00Sorry for the unexpected hiatus.I just hit a wall. A big mothafuckin wall of food and binged. For 10 days/ Gained 6 lbs.. I think it's the weather. There's really something wrong with me and winter; I think it's S.A.D. but apparently my father is an expert on the disorder and I don't have it. Like he'd know.<br />
PS - bad news: mom found my laxatives. She asked me about them and said "I hope you're no using them for weight loss". Ugh. I said I used them a lot when I was becoming a vegetarian. Legit. <br />
But good news is here which is why I decided to post. Wednesday, I put the wheels in motion and I'm really buckling down. Wednesday I had a pear, an apple, and 2 ricecakes. Yesterday I had an apple, 8 jube jubes (130), and 5 timbits (300). Not exactly healthy - but at least I kept it around 500 for the day. And today I plan on nothing until after 9:00. I'm not drinking any liquids or eating any make-me-feel-full food. I'm going to my friend's uni this weekend and I want to show off my new tattoo (It's a feather on my ribs - I'll post a picture when I'm happy with my body) which means showing skin which means I need to be skinny. <br />
After just the 2 days of restricting I lost the whole 6 lbs. and I'm back at stinking 122. But the progress is such great motivation, I know I'll be ok.<br />
So, since my life is boring, I'll post some thinspo to fill the space :)<br />
PS I'm too lazy to format all the photos, so you'll just have to scroll a lot. <br />
<br />
The following are photos by Tamara Schlesinger for Lyell.<br />
Lyell's clothing line is classy and feminine without the excess ruffles. Their looks accentuate all the right areas of these beautiful models and Tamara's photography captures it stunningly. You can really tell a woman took these photos. Perfect timing, perfect composition. Even the blemishes make it all beautiful.<br />
<br />
These shots were taken backstage at the Lyell show 2008.<br />
<br />
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</div><br />
These are 2009 Fall looks<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">These are some of Lyell's past looks. <br />
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Hope you all enjoyed and are doing well on your persuit of hapiness, however you choose to achieve it. <br />
Again, I'm sorry for the hiatus. But I'm back and ready as ever!<br />
I'll try to catch up on your posts today - I'm so far behind!!!<br />
Have a wonderful Friday :)<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-30018381977537125732009-10-09T12:43:00.000-04:002009-10-09T12:43:42.015-04:00LalalaToday is great. Not hungry at all.<br />
Wish I didn't eat those 4 slices of pizza and the cup of pizza flavoured KD. 200 cals in ea. so a total of 1000 cals yesterday. Totally shit. But I took a laxie and a deep breath and today I am eating NADA.<br />
I can feel myself getting lighter.<br />
Perhaps I'll post a picture of my stomach (and disgusting thighs, ugh). <br />
<br />
So, last night I mooched a ride from a guy friend, M. We took chemistry together in grade 11 and it was the most fun I've ever had in a class. I did horribly in the course because as much as it's interesting to me, the majority of the chem formulas and symbols were gibberish to me. The only thing that really saved me from passing were the labs M and I did together. I don't think either of us passed our exams, but we did unrealll at labs. We were the loudest kids in the class and our teacher loved/hated us. I developed a crush on him about half way through the semester and decided to tell him over honesty box on fb. Now, I'm not usually a coward, but I thought it would be fun. Wrong. It went horribly! He told our whole class about this "mystery honesty box girl" and in the end, I told him it was me. We hung out after school a couple times but the last time, he fell asleep, so I moved on lol. We have a laugh about it all now.<br />
Soooooo, he drove me home last night slash I drove his van because he didn't want to drive because he wanted to smoke but I can multitask. We went to the park and talked and laughed and eventually kissed. <br />
I don't know if you've ever been in a long term relationship, but usually when you get out of one, kissing anyone else feels weird.<br />
Well, S felt weird, fuckbuddy feels weird, but M didn't. <br />
It was super cute.<br />
And casual.<br />
And we're going to a party tonight and he called "dibs" on snuggling with me.<br />
Yayayay.<br />
BUT I'm on the rag.<br />
Good job, me. <br />
BUT I'm going to his college for Halloween and I'm staying with him, so hurah!<br />
Sorry for this extremely boring post. I write more for me. The artsy posts are for you girlies, but if you find my life interesting at all, then keep on readin' and I promise it will all get better.<br />
<br />
And since I put you through this torturous post, I'll post some thinspo lateskis once I find some that's interesting enough.<br />
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Hope you're all happily hungry ;)<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-1739939788882126382009-10-09T07:48:00.000-04:002009-10-09T07:48:55.342-04:00Curs in the Weeds<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RBPO9Kun_9A&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RBPO9Kun_9A&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />
<br />
My favorite song at present.<br />
I think I like it because every time I listen to it, I find another meaning to it. There's so much behind lyrics and the instrumentals are beautiful. (btw, a 'cur' is a hunting dog)<br />
Enjoy :)<br />
<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-18051369057372926142009-10-08T11:07:00.000-04:002009-10-08T11:07:28.050-04:00Worst. Day. Ever.<ul><li>Woke up late</li>
<li>Got my period</li>
<li>Forgot to bring tampons to work so I have to use a dirty pad</li>
<li>Forgot my keys to the office at home</li>
<li>Monitors were waiting to get into the office</li>
<li>Waited from 8-9 until D, one of the nurses, came into work</li>
<li>Monitors need Temperature Logs which are in my boss' office which I forgot the keys for</li>
<li>Boss won't be in til' 3, monitor's want to leave at 3: I see a lot of future bitching at the middle man aka me at 3 when they want to leave and my boss is late as usual</li>
<li>Monitors need Endoscopy Report that was lost on the dictation tape and the old secretary never bothered to get re-dictated</li>
<li>Logged on to old secretary's account to find a bajillion Lab Reports she forgot to tell the site to forward to me and now I have to sort them all</li>
</ul>Fuck this. <br />
<br />
BUTTTTTT<br />
Commencement's tonight. Ergo, I get to see alllll my friends who have been off having a jolly time at uni while I've been moping around and starving myself at home.<br />
Lalala. <br />
Come on, world, show me what the fuck you got because you aren't going to stop me from seeing my friends. Today will be a good day...<br />
<br />
After I get off work.<br />
At least I have something to look forward to.<br />
<br />
And I'm getting super good at not eating at work at all. If I need to eat, I have one of the 35 cal Rice Cakes in the back I bought for myself :) Yesterday, I didn't eat til about 7 and I had this dish of pasta (so bad but so good!) and then DEATH... BRIE. I'm such a sucker for brie and my friend and I ate a whole slice of it between ourselves. After I drove her home, I purged the majority of it and took a laxie. So I think I'm down in weight and I shall look lovely in my dress tonight at commencement.<br />
Cheers to skinny years (L)<br />
Hope you're all having a better day than I am.<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-14748316843936222202009-10-06T08:17:00.006-04:002009-10-06T09:08:42.147-04:00I can't believe I'm at work at 7:00 am<div style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Being here at 7 means I left my house at 6 which means I was up at 5:30. Wowza. Defs not a fan.<br />
</div>There's not much to do here this early other than ctaching up on filing, so I guess I'll do that after I post some thinspoooo!<br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So, I've posted a lot of photog thinspo which seems to be a trend in all of our blogs. My first few thinspo posts had all kinds of different art, but it's been difficult to find any art thinspo that isn't photography. But, after searching far and wide, I found a brilliant illustrator, <a href="http://www.birdyandme.com.au/">Kelly Smith</a>. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQWXZ7AVyxxU-Cno0-vQm0_aEvFmMnL-8kyv9apZ291KBfPv56AH8h9YLv_dtvtHG6DIouTqkw0bb5a752f0RROLC3htC7KRtUEdM0WZwAH67wTDhMZgov7FM-cuz4SaQxdtOJtr5aOU/s1600-h/4.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQWXZ7AVyxxU-Cno0-vQm0_aEvFmMnL-8kyv9apZ291KBfPv56AH8h9YLv_dtvtHG6DIouTqkw0bb5a752f0RROLC3htC7KRtUEdM0WZwAH67wTDhMZgov7FM-cuz4SaQxdtOJtr5aOU/s320/4.bmp" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhLw_BtEJQT1LpWJRiJaiJWQjqb2N4AeQJSeGeqGcWP4nvsG8zKJERzWsZBMBd11-kspat-LNaSZlHt39FEhTgaPF78tYm9xP9TTnFsSDJaFNXY8i_EpYRGVp4pZdq2OxT94S8A21xlf4/s1600-h/1.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhLw_BtEJQT1LpWJRiJaiJWQjqb2N4AeQJSeGeqGcWP4nvsG8zKJERzWsZBMBd11-kspat-LNaSZlHt39FEhTgaPF78tYm9xP9TTnFsSDJaFNXY8i_EpYRGVp4pZdq2OxT94S8A21xlf4/s320/1.bmp" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPy3naRs5mwTrmZmDYg9KOWi8wazkFHhxkQNSKIs3Z8TYMUmtwnRXFIJlh-VO3EWbFiHVCmSiKdfmKAlPHnG0-HS63yL4D_PMgyoeFnSH239NDrv4b0-NthSE8AGABgFt-OMarDQB26LU/s1600-h/9.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPy3naRs5mwTrmZmDYg9KOWi8wazkFHhxkQNSKIs3Z8TYMUmtwnRXFIJlh-VO3EWbFiHVCmSiKdfmKAlPHnG0-HS63yL4D_PMgyoeFnSH239NDrv4b0-NthSE8AGABgFt-OMarDQB26LU/s320/9.bmp" /></a><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQdUC5fEJWGR8YBi1sS1ewA6cWk38IWi2IIuA8szRbV0u-0dtfxRqNbGE2Wb5Ps_fYKyGlV0FjE8hb3QYF7NxT2UOAFODNB0S1ZBAwfsdiLmSnIXkUuhFB-O7hWcjYHtmhzjPi2vo0Qr4/s1600-h/11.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQdUC5fEJWGR8YBi1sS1ewA6cWk38IWi2IIuA8szRbV0u-0dtfxRqNbGE2Wb5Ps_fYKyGlV0FjE8hb3QYF7NxT2UOAFODNB0S1ZBAwfsdiLmSnIXkUuhFB-O7hWcjYHtmhzjPi2vo0Qr4/s200/11.bmp" /></a>Kelly Smith has also done a number of collaborations with photographers such as Macushla Burke. These two paired up for an illustrated editorial for Cream Magazine called See Emily Play.<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And since I'm on a roll and no one's at the office yet, I'll post some photography by Macushla Burke because... well, he's brill, too :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdYiHRmjSU9tfaOoU3YDDWeHcP9HvN1UlnGgpMBafKCdrWMVtBbR3B1JFyd_qaRVzPGiQ0HnZSUFAYdX24y5b9N4yMzWubdhTZrfwrhuxMQHJzbK-8Okc_cPcWeoL-uQFWmAaO1WQQ2E/s1600-h/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkID7OY_7UuNnmmQYgi0W_dT22TlBOwyVveqn8ur8QE8FELkI6ZngpmozO3v_Z51EPF3f1mIKTF4Eh6JBtSuWnWurmVYJZYftpXiTcNuqcHUPuvv6uAINkxl2bcacEYha3ZIgoRI7bwBQ/s1600-h/23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkID7OY_7UuNnmmQYgi0W_dT22TlBOwyVveqn8ur8QE8FELkI6ZngpmozO3v_Z51EPF3f1mIKTF4Eh6JBtSuWnWurmVYJZYftpXiTcNuqcHUPuvv6uAINkxl2bcacEYha3ZIgoRI7bwBQ/s200/23.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHb46q3VENnsf1UepHP84aImQHu9SCr8KzAFS3_7u9ZsGePXTMarbWS9lcTMnyD5ggXdKvmDhJUdBZU_hdHs5fIpI1b4U3c5PSydbCuibmeyd9LbwyixLqvo762s8FQFPJRHWd_sbwSzI/s1600-h/24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHb46q3VENnsf1UepHP84aImQHu9SCr8KzAFS3_7u9ZsGePXTMarbWS9lcTMnyD5ggXdKvmDhJUdBZU_hdHs5fIpI1b4U3c5PSydbCuibmeyd9LbwyixLqvo762s8FQFPJRHWd_sbwSzI/s400/24.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3SI5S_qvnk2HtAe_oDeJ6lTgy3amThIihsEX4KQBimU8HmDN_8Lr0PQGOiekAi6jFUMR-_OaFKGLhbtD_5dsswHBCUit8Wvur_OkPhXMFsZVlu9MqQOC1bbO6nWWpY7ENn_F7R0jAyw/s1600-h/25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3SI5S_qvnk2HtAe_oDeJ6lTgy3amThIihsEX4KQBimU8HmDN_8Lr0PQGOiekAi6jFUMR-_OaFKGLhbtD_5dsswHBCUit8Wvur_OkPhXMFsZVlu9MqQOC1bbO6nWWpY7ENn_F7R0jAyw/s320/25.jpg" /></a>Wow. That was a huuuge thinspo post. Hopefully it will keep me plowing through the day. I won't reflect too much on yesterday. I didn't eat anything allll day, but when I got home, my friend and I got high and ate a shitload. Tis' life, I guess. I love being high so much, that I'm willing to postpone progress until today. Tonight, I'm going to the fuckbuddy's house to cook him dinner because all him and his cousin eat is steak and burgers (both are in verrrrry good shape, theough. yum). I'm cooking Morracan Chicken. A specialty of mine. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">And on another note, I need a quick rant.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I saw an ad last night with a little girl and it talked about how there's so much pressure on girls these days. Fuck right off. There has always been pressure on girls to become the extraordinary. The harder it is to do, the more pressure is on women to do so. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Exhibit A: In the medieval ages (from about 1000 right up to 1500) women were preffered fat. And why is this? Because it was harder to be fat. It cost money to become fat back then because they didn't have a McDicks on every street corner. In today's age, however, the pressure is on to be skinny. And why, the poor media haters wonder, is this so? Because it's fucking hard. We know that. Everyone else who wasn't blessed with good genes knows that. If we could, I'm sure we would all love to stuff our faces with brownies and fries and hate on the media. But we aim for higher ground. We rise above the temptations. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">So suck it, media haters. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">That's all for my rant. <br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Still no one at the office. Life is grand.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">I'll catch up on some blogs :)<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">xoxo<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">PS - do my pictures come out sloppy in my posts? When I view them on my computer at work, they're all organized and dandy, but when I look at them from home, they look all screwy sometimes. Let me know :)<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">PSS - Thanksgiving this weekend! NOOOOOO. I almost forgot! Does ANYONE know how self-induce sickness? I know I could pretend I'm sick, but I need to MAKE myself sick. I could eat raw meat, but I don't think that would work right away. Any suggestions?<br />
</div>Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-77179743081949250382009-10-05T11:46:00.000-04:002009-10-05T11:46:59.150-04:00SSPO So, I (much like every other promia/ana blogger in our chain) am taking up the SSPO Challenge thanks to <a href="http://stellastarver.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-10-02T22%3A19%3A00-06%3A00&max-results=2">Stella Starver</a>! (Oct. 5 - Nov. 1)<br />
<br />
Here are SS's rules molded a little to fit me :)<br />
<br />
1. Lose a minimum of 5 pounds.<br />
2. Only beverages: anything diet, tea (no milk), water.<br />
3. Absoluutely NO beer. Vodka + diet sodas ONLY<br />
5.No ice cream or cake.<br />
6.No second helpings at meals.<br />
7.Only fruits and veggies for snacks between lunch and dinner.<br />
8.No more than 600 calories Mon-Fri and 1000 Sat-Sun<br />
9.No eating past 8 pm. <br />
10. Exercise at least 3 days per week<br />
<br />
I think this will be the push I need.Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-63904447415451474742009-10-02T11:12:00.000-04:002009-10-02T11:12:27.475-04:00I'm in an odd place todayI'm in one of those weird, creative, distant moods today.<br />
As for the whole condom deal, I texted him. He texted me back 2 texts with at least 5 cumulative "sorry"s and then tried to call me but I was at work. I really don't think he knew. All the lights were off. But either way, I'm on the pill so everything should be ok.<br />
I just can't get over how I feel today. Perhaps its reading <em>The Bell Jar</em> that's got me thinking myself into knots. Whenever I feel this way, I start to freehand write and I do it for about 10 minutes nonstop. No editing, no going back, and no reading it through until I'm done. I just did it and what I wrote scares me a little and part of me knows I'm prementrual and overreacting, but another part knows that parts of it are true. <br />
This is what I wrote:<br />
<br />
<em>There is a time when endings come trotting by halfheartedly, blowing smoke in your face</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>And you lace up your shoes and shrug your shoulders because shoes don’t make any sense at all in summer and now you’re lacing them up because there could be snow on the ground in a week</em><br />
<em>And your face will be all red from the cold wind that cuts at your cheekbones, carved with an ever so slight ounce of extra skin that when you smile, your face has room</em><br />
<em>And you wish you could dance through the rain but you’re too high and it’s cold and you’re going nowhere</em><br />
<em>Because every road leads to another dead end, blowing smoke in your face</em><br />
<em>The whisper of your arms as they slide to your sides is the only sound you’ll hear with the throbbing ecstasy of people surrounding you, colliding with one another, and departing, forever untouchable.</em><br />
<em>They are invincible and you are invisible and a sigh escapes your lips and leaves your body limp, ready for the next fuck where you’ll lay and moan because you enjoy feeling wanted</em><br />
<em>You reflect by staring into pictures and grow sad because they are only pictures and then angry because they are only memories and you would rip them all up if you could feel, if only for a moment, that trickle of hope that rests itself on your breasts before you took a nap together</em><br />
<em>Hugging yourself as your try to save the memories from trickling away, trying to scoop them back in as you clench your eyelids, they leak out and through that red blur of veins that’s illuminated from the light and with time the memories blur and the only occupant residing in your memory is the feelings that you remember but can no longer feel.</em><br />
<em>Strangers graze your shoulders and you succumb to the absentminded way your body floats down the street with your boots dragging behind you </em><br />
<em>And you wish they were here even without words, and you could exchange glances and tell stories of memories of feelings with your eyes as tears spring and leave stains on your cheeks that have been damp for too long</em><br />
<em>And if someone would just reach and wipe the cheeks clean, then perhaps the cutting wind wouldn’t feel so harsh and winter wouldn’t be as bad</em><br />
<em>But as the first snowflake falls, you recall that feeling as if you were the mist that escapes the sidewalks as the cold meets warm.</em><br />
<em>Cold meeting warm is all you are; a mix of odd perplexities and an over contrasted figure standing in the doorway of a party where you don’t belong</em><br />
<em>And you wonder if you’ll ever belong again or if you’ll ever breathe freely again</em><br />
<em>Or if you’ll always have smoke being blown in your face.</em><br />
<br />
Perhaps I'm just doomed to an eternity of craziness inside my head. <br />
<br />
I'll catch up on blogs now :) <br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-34516084599903040242009-10-01T10:29:00.000-04:002009-10-01T10:29:11.865-04:00NEWS FUCKING FLASHTHE CONDOM FUCKING BROKE.<br />
And how did I just find out?<br />
I pulled a piece of it out of my FUCKING VAGINA<br />
Last night after he finished, he asked me if I was on the pill or something and I said 'yeah, why? Did it break?' and he said 'No.'<br />
What a lying son of a bitch. <br />
Never getting some from me ever again.<br />
Wish my luck, I will get preggers from the first guy I sleep with after breaking up who just happens to be a fucking prick.<br />
Wow.<br />
I'm just rattled to shit.<br />
Do I text him and bitch and/or let him know?Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-40802363872353362712009-10-01T09:33:00.000-04:002009-10-01T09:33:10.500-04:00ActionSo, I had sex with someone other than my ex for the first time in about a year. I went to his house for some drinks and a bunch of friends were there. We've always had a bit of sexual tension, but I always figured he was too much of an asshole to hook up with and it would only leave him with boasting rights. Well, if it's boasting rights he wanted, he's got them now. We sloppily made out on the couch after everyone left. He kept shoving his tongue in my mouth. If we ever hook up again, I'll try and stay sober and kiss him better. I just hate the whole excess tongue shit. You have to know how to do that shit the right way. Anyway, it all lead to his bedroom where.. well, we fucked. It was definately fucking, if anything. Not even giving it sex. There was nothing behind it. At all. And it felt so weird to walk home with no guilt and no satisfaction (Oh - I faked my orgasm, too, because I was late going home and he kept going after he finished. Ugh). <br />
So I'm pretty indifferent. He has a pretty big, dick, too. Sorry I'm getting a little explicit!<br />
I'm going to S's tonight (man - I sound like a class act right here nawt). And I picking up sushi on the way. I hope he makes the first move. He is a little immature and seems a little inexperiences. We'll see how it goes.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And now for some THINSPO! Huray!<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3MiuGM73kUM4_F1pJ1mRAE9zc8W5vZRqnaDmxDqsdE8XpQPIRpbvA-qnOcTX9UF-2XzPg3nAE4DRNL3zDRAbWG_of9ZiF4aU8dcX0nKz83FjRGFvlMsEFo5KyMlBjknC1eP-pnAQAALk/s1600-h/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3MiuGM73kUM4_F1pJ1mRAE9zc8W5vZRqnaDmxDqsdE8XpQPIRpbvA-qnOcTX9UF-2XzPg3nAE4DRNL3zDRAbWG_of9ZiF4aU8dcX0nKz83FjRGFvlMsEFo5KyMlBjknC1eP-pnAQAALk/s320/4.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Dan Martensen is a world renowned photographer. Super popular and for good reason. Here's some of his photos.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipWEHLu0gg-mYvxiprZ18zmKZUZtUYUuylIZSfeL0l6aNG6LfLitzlIbE9ZmYIwuRCP-8Lymr-4DRcskcBQ5lDhotjzaC1dmgiUS315FLpmwCxWc1-gU-_k2_OnlVndc2sYot_6FCD2eI/s1600-h/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipWEHLu0gg-mYvxiprZ18zmKZUZtUYUuylIZSfeL0l6aNG6LfLitzlIbE9ZmYIwuRCP-8Lymr-4DRcskcBQ5lDhotjzaC1dmgiUS315FLpmwCxWc1-gU-_k2_OnlVndc2sYot_6FCD2eI/s320/5.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6CmsRcAsBwKM7EOIQIsM3-glOThy8jNrAVCctak-WJ7EYTk2GhThUxHYj5k5ZbNQcXzfJVp72d9cQ1RUWHI-vvIoslEaG2q17fLmM0yB00PHHx5Uz35kjkzY1F8bY4zsGqAWA-PpinF4/s1600-h/10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6CmsRcAsBwKM7EOIQIsM3-glOThy8jNrAVCctak-WJ7EYTk2GhThUxHYj5k5ZbNQcXzfJVp72d9cQ1RUWHI-vvIoslEaG2q17fLmM0yB00PHHx5Uz35kjkzY1F8bY4zsGqAWA-PpinF4/s320/10.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14OXRYC4aM9DJhYUWhB4tIM4Gii-ZlkIzyHyDOTZopQ9UTi32yAhgltxoA-bWon_HaTaIZntYYhnyNb7q2fzNaPHMCZV2TtBZAoWfB1gLHLnabaOlqP3djlW0dwhRLHdsWOzu0xLdGIo/s1600-h/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14OXRYC4aM9DJhYUWhB4tIM4Gii-ZlkIzyHyDOTZopQ9UTi32yAhgltxoA-bWon_HaTaIZntYYhnyNb7q2fzNaPHMCZV2TtBZAoWfB1gLHLnabaOlqP3djlW0dwhRLHdsWOzu0xLdGIo/s320/6.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifetlVqVlIMcmjnxJn-Ks9BFusfC5wnkAXrLGVOMiCkIlOGeSR1Buv_ZsVsoSA4tyDAtDHvrVxPAE2Ll8fkI_vHXmqcXAQaWqEpC4ocq3Rg87VX9jQX-y43t-C1_4-sfT354oc0W6c64c/s1600-h/8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifetlVqVlIMcmjnxJn-Ks9BFusfC5wnkAXrLGVOMiCkIlOGeSR1Buv_ZsVsoSA4tyDAtDHvrVxPAE2Ll8fkI_vHXmqcXAQaWqEpC4ocq3Rg87VX9jQX-y43t-C1_4-sfT354oc0W6c64c/s320/8.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXlgiZZzkYPAmseBvbLQ6W1gCCGV27S9uf9fgKb7Fl3iWZz0CENji7wbLepgHvVpeNQtw3xxK2fddheBYuFJB9_q4_jXyAf_EdwZzdDmrr8OGDYqME5fHOKq_0N3e8T4RW90ZPDPo34Vo/s1600-h/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXlgiZZzkYPAmseBvbLQ6W1gCCGV27S9uf9fgKb7Fl3iWZz0CENji7wbLepgHvVpeNQtw3xxK2fddheBYuFJB9_q4_jXyAf_EdwZzdDmrr8OGDYqME5fHOKq_0N3e8T4RW90ZPDPo34Vo/s320/7.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyU4ACu3CFgzFYfnpCPGyN6MMSF408dj4TaMyTLvr5Sy1iFvu3hvlGBkjmZtooWGoR-su6OSULv-n-kBFoiSXGLRVqDVGispq6tlCCo-bU9D91xvnJseWv_vQWM25so9YHy6aO2EtvZ1g/s1600-h/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1YNbwkCtZSzgAWgKVzVDwAgwbEKMDuASa0yXUnomrbySGUIlXqpmW7Ldb3oM9c3nWTW9AZrQyKJS8jZUfjqf1t_ZppdDAR94Xb9tnGBSGi7owx2JiGUfsvb4sFeAP6MB8kaQZfrs9xk0/s1600-h/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1YNbwkCtZSzgAWgKVzVDwAgwbEKMDuASa0yXUnomrbySGUIlXqpmW7Ldb3oM9c3nWTW9AZrQyKJS8jZUfjqf1t_ZppdDAR94Xb9tnGBSGi7owx2JiGUfsvb4sFeAP6MB8kaQZfrs9xk0/s320/2.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AHS3pJU7PQP8TWgj1FDx3T65pYlmHlH5rTWhi28W0_PxiZs0QldlolOSKtHaDvBN79uze5UbUqiSpcqmFCBiFSRaLVcMzOYULm_SBQ5OKzRzcLltVCffjcFy7HKiGJh4YGd99GYxDf0/s1600-h/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AHS3pJU7PQP8TWgj1FDx3T65pYlmHlH5rTWhi28W0_PxiZs0QldlolOSKtHaDvBN79uze5UbUqiSpcqmFCBiFSRaLVcMzOYULm_SBQ5OKzRzcLltVCffjcFy7HKiGJh4YGd99GYxDf0/s320/3.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyU4ACu3CFgzFYfnpCPGyN6MMSF408dj4TaMyTLvr5Sy1iFvu3hvlGBkjmZtooWGoR-su6OSULv-n-kBFoiSXGLRVqDVGispq6tlCCo-bU9D91xvnJseWv_vQWM25so9YHy6aO2EtvZ1g/s1600-h/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyU4ACu3CFgzFYfnpCPGyN6MMSF408dj4TaMyTLvr5Sy1iFvu3hvlGBkjmZtooWGoR-su6OSULv-n-kBFoiSXGLRVqDVGispq6tlCCo-bU9D91xvnJseWv_vQWM25so9YHy6aO2EtvZ1g/s400/1.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">This is my FAVORITE picture of all his collections. Her stare reminds me of "The most famous pisture in the world" - you know, with the Indian girl? Well, I've looked up the model a few times (Her name's Frankie Rayder) and no one quite does her like Dan Martensen.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">On the weighted side of life - I've been purging and using laxies a lot because I've been binging a lot. It's because I ate so horribly on the weekend at Queens. So today, I'm back on track. (Other than picking up some sushi tonight). I'm going to wait to weigh myself. Also may invest in a scale. That would help a ton.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">I hope everyone's doing super well. Sorry I haven't been commenting. I'm selfish and caught up in my life at present, but hopefully if work isn't too unpleasant today, I'll find some time to brush up on all you blogs.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">xoxo<br />
</div>Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-34058703238743383252009-09-29T09:01:00.000-04:002009-09-29T09:01:04.480-04:00WinterThis morning I had to wear my winter jacket and a scarf because it is absolutely freezing outside. I feel like sometimes I skip fall all together and go straight from summer to winter because I'm too busy wishing it were summer and dreading winter. By the time the first snowflake hits the ground, I feel like the steam that rises from the sidewalk as cold meets warm. Because that's what I really am. I'm a mix of cold and warm and mixed up about everything and all I want to be is warm all the time but I can't help but have these fits of shivering and rely on a few constants to keep me sane. <br />
I really wish that I could write down everything as fast as I think it. That way, I would be writing moment by moment instead of piecing it all together with memories. But I guess memories are best because people can see themselves in you and pretend they are you for just a moment or two.<br />
I guess I'm just rambling, but I was out for a walk and couldn't help but think myself to death as I always do. I'll post again today.<br />
Until then, love you all.<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-74809044983867678252009-09-28T11:33:00.001-04:002009-09-30T09:00:56.509-04:00Warning you - this is going to be a loooong ass post. Sorry. I'll break it up into bolded sections.<br />
<br />
<strong>Boring Intro</strong><br />
Wow. I feel like it's been centuries since I last blogged!<br />
I guess I'll start from where I left off but first I want to say thanks to everyone for the supportive comments and following. The fact that me taking weight off my chest (pun intended!) means encouragement for others makes this whole ordeal feel so worthwhile.<br />
Also just wanted to note something I uncovered this weekend you all may or may not agree with.<br />
<strong>My Realization</strong><br />
Ana is my release. It's something to occupy myself with. It's a diversion. It could even be classified as an obsession. <br />
When I'm feeling tired at work, I think about Ana.<br />
When I'm frustrated with my family, I think about Ana.<br />
When I'm stressed about school, I think about Ana.<br />
And the list goes on...<br />
But to get to the point, nothing makes me happier than shedding those pounds when I know I've deserved it. I could be in the worst situation possible, and I'll still smile when the scale slides down. It's like drinking or smoking or playing sports or writing. It's something to channel your hope into when reality hits you too hard. <br />
I hope you girls understand this feeling.<br />
So, now back to my chaotic slash boring life (depending how you look at it)<br />
<strong>The Date</strong><br />
The date went extremely well. We drove for hours looking for a Booster Juice around my house (I warned him there wouldn't be one - but he was persistant and eventually settled for Starbucks.) Then we rented Marley and Me. <br />
<strong>Ranting About How Bad Marley and Me Was</strong><br />
I wouldn't have rented it because of my fresh wounds from the breakup and I didn't want to start bawling in front of a guy the first time we hung out, but he kindof wanted to see it, so we got it. To be honest, I thought it was a lot of hype for nothing. Sure, it had its cute moments and funny circumstances, but it was too one dimentional. I find this always happens when books are condensed and produced into movies. I've never read the book - but I could tell the establishing of relationships between the characters had been completely cut out. I mean, everyone knows the dog dies. That was the saddest part (may have leaked a tear or two) but other than that - 1.5 out of 4 stars.<br />
<strong>The End of the Date and Contemplation</strong><br />
So, when i was saying goodbye to "S", he gave me a tight hug and then when he pulled away, he lingered a little. I think he wanted to kiss me, but then he said "I think that's alright since you just broke up". I nodded, said thanks, and he left. Now I really want to kiss him, but I'm scared of what will happen. I want to establish a kind of "friends with benefits" relationship with him, but don't know how to go about saying it and not sounding like a whore. I know I just need to be honest with him and I don't think I could do another relationship for a while. Plus, I'm travelling next year so it would be pointless to even become semi-attached. Aaaand, I've been having sex with the same guy for 10 months, I need some variety! I think the best way would be to hook up (perhaps not sex) and then let him know I'm not looking for a relationship. What do you guys think?<br />
<strong>The "I'm Interested" Text</strong><br />
So, on my way home from Kingston (I'll talk about Queens later), I was texting "S". He asked me how I was doing with the breakup and I just told him I was upset, but I'm not mopey because I'd rather pick myself up and make the best of it. Then he texted back "aaand that's why your do different from most of the girls I've ever been interested in". Woah! So I texted him back being like "Interested in? ;)" and he replied "Haha oh did I say that?". I left it at that and asked him about the Leaf game. The subject is a little premature, so I decided not to push it. Guys hate when you push those kinds of things. They let one thing slip and girls start to melt and babble and ask "why" all the time. Heads up: they would tell you more if their brains worked fast enough, so let them untangle those knots and tell you why they like your room so much and don't fluster them about whether it's the frilly bed sheets or pine desk that they like better. (The absolute WORST one to pull is the "why do you like me?". Just don't.)<br />
<strong>Getting to Kingston</strong><br />
My two friends and I went to Queens University for the weekend to see our best friend and because it was homecoming. Now, I don't know if you've heard of homecoming at Queens, but you should youtube it. It's CRAZZZY! Anyways, we missed the 7:20 pm bus and had to wait around til' 9:15 which meant we weren't going to get to Kingston til' midnight! But we had not other choice, so we did a little grocery shop and lingered around the station. When the bus came, we got the best seats. There were 4 seats around a table and we set up all our food and goodies and decided about half way to drink a little before we got there because everyone was going to be trashed upon our arrival. Everything was smooth sailing until someone smoked in the bathroom and this fucked up Methhead chick tried to blame my friend for it! I'm the only one that smokes out of the three of us. I was ready to go ape shit on her but the bus driver said the police weren't there, so "whoever" it was could get off this time. Fuck that stupid Methhead.<br />
<strong>There</strong><br />
Once we got there, we met some people on the steps who ended up being our best friend's friends. And this was before she got there so that was pretty cool. When we saw eachother, there were a lot of tackle strength hugs. It was great seeing her again.We then went to "K"s (an upper year who lives in the student ghetto with a bunch of other girls) because we couldn't get into res. Res was on lockdown all weekend because of homecoming - but we snuck in past 4 am after the dons went off duty. We smoked up a show once we got there. We had a table set up with my hookah and pipe and someone's bong and pipe. It was great and we got so ripped that we decided to walk all the way in town to get McDicks. But someone drove us. I think she was drunk. But all I remember is how good those fries were. Sorry, Ana, but when I'm high, there's no stopping me!<br />
<strong>Pancake Kegger</strong><br />
Never knew there was such a thing. But sure enough, at 9 in the morning, pancakes were made and the beer was a-flowing at "K"s. I took 5 2 oz. shots of vodka and we headed into town. Good stuff.<br />
The rest of the weekend was pretty much filled with rain, drinking, blazing, cops, and parties. I don't want to drag on.<br />
Good stuff.<br />
<br />
So now I'm sitting here at work. My boss is in a bad mood and I'm so tired. I want nothing more than to crawl into bed with a friend, a good book, and a hot chocolate. Maybe I'll do that tonight.<br />
<br />
Hope you're all well. I'm going to catch up on reading and stuff when my boss isn't pacing the halls. Sorry I cut the post short.<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-51588073458746848852009-09-24T14:56:00.000-04:002009-09-24T14:56:35.273-04:00Here's the dealllSo, I guess since everything has calmed down, I can give you the deets about the breakup dundundun...<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">It wasn't bad. It was just really sad, to be honest. He came over and I just kindof lowered my head and said 'I know' and he just held me. We went upstairs and started to talk. There was no hostility and we were both on the same level of understanding. The distance would be too much and we are at points in our lives when things are changing rapidly and keeping up a steady relationship would be too much effort. Personally, I think relationships need a combination of elements to survive. You need attraction (sexually and mentally), conflict, and convenience. And as strong as the attraction may be, you will always need the two other elements. Having a relationship without conflict is pointless. You need a partner who challenges you and recognises your flaws and loves you anyway. Convenience comes from a variety of subcategories, but the main idea is : how often will you see eachother? And this was turning into once a week if we were lucky. And even then, he would be wrapped up in homework and I'd busy myself with dinner or working out or something of the like.<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">But ANYWAYSSS back on track with the story... convenience just wasn't there. So we hugged and kissed and he told me I would always be his first love. By then, my face was covered in face juice but I kissed him anways and told him the same. Also told him he would be my only Chicken Ball and he said I'd be his only Spring Roll (our nicknames we made up when really high and eating sushi). Then we reminiced on the past. Like our first hookup and how awkward it was LOL. About how we used to take walks in the "romantic snow" (big slow fluffy pieces) and how we drove together all the time. I agreed I'd still visit after a while (a long while) and I refused to say goodbye and said "see you later". Then he left.<br />
</div>So, pretty much went as smoothly as a breakup could (minus me looking horrible because I was leaking from my face).<br />
So, yeah.<br />
And it will take me a while to get over this. I'll probably never get "over it". I'll just grow to accept it. And I know if we ever do meet up down the road... well, I guess we'll see then.<br />
For now, things are good. I worked til 6 last night (Blagh - 10 hour day) and then drove about 40 minutes to pick up my IDs I accidently left with a friend, dove home, and crashed.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Now I'm at work with 2 1/2 hours to go. At 6, I've got a date. Actually, I lied, it's not a date. We met about 3 years ago and have been in touch on and off and made a few plans and ditched and whatnot. Now we both drive and he's picking me up and taking me to Booster Juice. I'm excited! get to test out my oh-so-rusty flirtation skills. I'll let you ladies know how it goes ;) (Obvi won't be hooking up - too soon for that!)<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">On the thin side, I know I haven't written much about my weight lately, just because I've been waiting to get back on track so I don't bore you all with the negatives. ("oh, I binged again" "damn, I ate dinner last night" blah blah blah). So, I'm still sitting at 122 I think. My scale at the office measures in Kg and it's one of the weird medical ones. I have to buy my own. I eat a banana for breakfast every morning, Diet Pepsi and tea during the day, Rice Cake and/or fruit for lunch, and dinner fluctuates every night. Last night I had about 10 Tostidos (oops!) and grapes. So, the weight might not be getting lower, but I know it will if I keep at this pace.<br />
</div>So, enough with my boring rambling. Here's some thinspo.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Clothing company Sophomore has done it again! Their Lookbook is unreal. It was all shot by Cass Bird. An amazing photographer. The models and the atmosphere they create just by being casual and beautiful is admirable. Take a look!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiglYclLvBw0hT2PcZGfwPC2aCaoZ2EJ7wy6R0ulSkVKrzXWdv0P_M2-ABnYG4wCCEve7vX_P-hc1asHYbY525eC4rWuqk4UiZINNhaIJSMuArcZ1Dnj9qTy8dwC3SZvnAaQuqUI5ws0XU/s1600-h/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiglYclLvBw0hT2PcZGfwPC2aCaoZ2EJ7wy6R0ulSkVKrzXWdv0P_M2-ABnYG4wCCEve7vX_P-hc1asHYbY525eC4rWuqk4UiZINNhaIJSMuArcZ1Dnj9qTy8dwC3SZvnAaQuqUI5ws0XU/s320/4.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClDeNvL4FXAQagBPwOp5yH0mAeWuANDmOuhlIjXSrYPCb4-j-uajEP27WK_ahWJ_zp4MqXYF03fbCz-B12DQ0EUqiL5aiJmGM5hVSc9dHPhFN6WJmXunHW_9tS139uAa2lyrC4CShHX0/s1600-h/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClDeNvL4FXAQagBPwOp5yH0mAeWuANDmOuhlIjXSrYPCb4-j-uajEP27WK_ahWJ_zp4MqXYF03fbCz-B12DQ0EUqiL5aiJmGM5hVSc9dHPhFN6WJmXunHW_9tS139uAa2lyrC4CShHX0/s320/2.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHnJeqiDW9e60ouDD-ixvgMu6umbcJIUE7j8l4rDpUUlhA5_aqqzDdbTspyDG0LAzm8P3OXYM82Xh7q2vv8LuVP7fj_YU0FUg-JY8Gp9obBb1kKrDBd8F9LeMER_9wZvE5brWppnL-Chw/s1600-h/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
</div><br />
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<a href="http://www.sophomorenyc.com/falllookbook.html">This is Sophomore's Lookbook site</a>. Have a browse :)<br />
<br />
Now I'm going off to FB and/or text some boys from the past 10 months I wasn't allowed to pursue. Hurrah for me!<br />
<br />
Love you all and hope you're having wonderful days<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-12791767341128325402009-09-22T20:33:00.000-04:002009-09-22T20:33:23.604-04:00All Right Now (song by Free - download it)Can't write much because I'm about to go out.<br />
Everything went as well as it could have last night in terms of breaking up. Of course I was upset - but I wasn't mad or angry at myself or anyone in particular. Everything changes and I can either mope around the house and cry for weeks about losing him or get back on my feet, cheer up, stick with being friends, and be optimistic. (I chose the latter as you can tell!)<br />
As for thinspo, I've discovered a new brand of clothing. It's too expensive for me, of course, but I love their site. Their girls' line is called Boys and their site features their clothing in candid polaroids with fantastic models. Here's a sneak:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4iN6j5FBWYR1Tnec4UbXnDvdV3u8fBzuPlprCKT2CnxhiV5P9j_3pyUKlj-TJmcwtdteg6T4h3F_pLDmq3e4q4xcOwQL5eTfNr3cm_PMHeTYGf8Ua-ya-K0bvW8nMO0zMSTDbenDZN64/s1600-h/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4iN6j5FBWYR1Tnec4UbXnDvdV3u8fBzuPlprCKT2CnxhiV5P9j_3pyUKlj-TJmcwtdteg6T4h3F_pLDmq3e4q4xcOwQL5eTfNr3cm_PMHeTYGf8Ua-ya-K0bvW8nMO0zMSTDbenDZN64/s320/a.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglgs5kSu54CcetRCHPytz5SAVZkHUSxPMXO1EaQEQpcjehD1P0yrYiysP5XOa-02ezR49p4QyHU5wfLyd9LrGFLYOZ-V_QURUZnAznnJskayo9T-VVqobPvW22BDueDOcTwzOulvyCraY/s1600-h/b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglgs5kSu54CcetRCHPytz5SAVZkHUSxPMXO1EaQEQpcjehD1P0yrYiysP5XOa-02ezR49p4QyHU5wfLyd9LrGFLYOZ-V_QURUZnAznnJskayo9T-VVqobPvW22BDueDOcTwzOulvyCraY/s320/b.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3swzCxq1_54rwSAAgCEKwjzg7fuLPclp8mnEC7CJ3MPkhf_iosFBWbWMmKuwclDSFYJB7T1rVUqWJFV4GA9aFo5Pz2otN-hWhKPhLipUPJkOCySd9A1LQEpkWNeVZXhoBVho3Ug4a6O8/s1600-h/d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3swzCxq1_54rwSAAgCEKwjzg7fuLPclp8mnEC7CJ3MPkhf_iosFBWbWMmKuwclDSFYJB7T1rVUqWJFV4GA9aFo5Pz2otN-hWhKPhLipUPJkOCySd9A1LQEpkWNeVZXhoBVho3Ug4a6O8/s320/d.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCSl6YIA6CWCNeV2ZNq_c3iSBG9gkiD1fDyFgSzbo4Bei1aIdDepgnR9lt1oKldN7s53bKxpcLRrrMSFT14ZdV4ymYSTrl0DcayYunyuA83NF_bc-xpq2IXS8YJcdRD2eojWWfCvxsZ2g/s1600-h/g.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCSl6YIA6CWCNeV2ZNq_c3iSBG9gkiD1fDyFgSzbo4Bei1aIdDepgnR9lt1oKldN7s53bKxpcLRrrMSFT14ZdV4ymYSTrl0DcayYunyuA83NF_bc-xpq2IXS8YJcdRD2eojWWfCvxsZ2g/s320/g.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijofOl30uCKk7kCvoHtU-8LHTCs2b4m_fdko3Pn_FDPfRW2oVE8AO449vnQzLQtk-XzEaO8VOueAl3AGm0huNDE1Z3CSuSJpds1mX3Chh5P8pzjlaWGhcL7c-h8NWJF0Og0UUzWqpujEI/s1600-h/i.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijofOl30uCKk7kCvoHtU-8LHTCs2b4m_fdko3Pn_FDPfRW2oVE8AO449vnQzLQtk-XzEaO8VOueAl3AGm0huNDE1Z3CSuSJpds1mX3Chh5P8pzjlaWGhcL7c-h8NWJF0Og0UUzWqpujEI/s320/i.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM8W9U4SFlIyK17DzYXJt9bzOkDrz8uWtkf8TWJSg_GSE8zWwNl6POXCKvWy2OJFogvZw6VHYlCoUQI8mwzcMVD9MJHTCfGg4L9a47_5f6QLawfTSKQnR43C-jTzSBM07BG6tbKnSyJyc/s1600-h/j.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM8W9U4SFlIyK17DzYXJt9bzOkDrz8uWtkf8TWJSg_GSE8zWwNl6POXCKvWy2OJFogvZw6VHYlCoUQI8mwzcMVD9MJHTCfGg4L9a47_5f6QLawfTSKQnR43C-jTzSBM07BG6tbKnSyJyc/s320/j.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWygrMHtVAFtJDVb5-wxtlghAGM_4_I8pVe0Qkr47OhUfUpuEfI7LWsAGUmJZwGlLSjMgCnpQ10BM1cb9uiDPFhnEV0SIJzR66LU_9xyA4XvtJW0N8FHMfRfeLE5IaGSXDB1IwJkmXb90/s1600-h/k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWygrMHtVAFtJDVb5-wxtlghAGM_4_I8pVe0Qkr47OhUfUpuEfI7LWsAGUmJZwGlLSjMgCnpQ10BM1cb9uiDPFhnEV0SIJzR66LU_9xyA4XvtJW0N8FHMfRfeLE5IaGSXDB1IwJkmXb90/s320/k.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">They have spreads and real ads, too. (I like the polaroids better)<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-MMcvriQ-ZvPqxlkyzSML2f9YUz478AGaHYoan5GNy8baHsdq4PP6a2AoBPtuZoehQTHiGiBCW_Y0SF2N7EfpX_hKCXtEs966GaoKrZ_2kP1zC6x4Of7jRIodbi6AEMAGraJMe9v1-cg/s1600-h/m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-MMcvriQ-ZvPqxlkyzSML2f9YUz478AGaHYoan5GNy8baHsdq4PP6a2AoBPtuZoehQTHiGiBCW_Y0SF2N7EfpX_hKCXtEs966GaoKrZ_2kP1zC6x4Of7jRIodbi6AEMAGraJMe9v1-cg/s320/m.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4q6VLmEp-ocPpYoX0Y4E2vZidZMAH7Rh0HHRALIa6SSDI99FRcGhjF3IkvY_7dvEGj9UI131GbTV-HYPfVbJgYLLxCMDwW6tRX0DisAWxBzcigUBNyR0LW_r9Eghxp_54ySIyzc36uE8/s1600-h/l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4q6VLmEp-ocPpYoX0Y4E2vZidZMAH7Rh0HHRALIa6SSDI99FRcGhjF3IkvY_7dvEGj9UI131GbTV-HYPfVbJgYLLxCMDwW6tRX0DisAWxBzcigUBNyR0LW_r9Eghxp_54ySIyzc36uE8/s320/l.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNl6e8yt2p2W6KWotg7JIK-6CSP_nhlO4MvqWAlzOoWcIWFH1xd5BX9pTzZ8gmPMzXTUIpXwly32g4DoLobG_rZLAybWHYW7rMPlgZ5yvcHVSC-CGE7bQmkuKb4HswWUcK5f0HGlY3CAs/s1600-h/n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNl6e8yt2p2W6KWotg7JIK-6CSP_nhlO4MvqWAlzOoWcIWFH1xd5BX9pTzZ8gmPMzXTUIpXwly32g4DoLobG_rZLAybWHYW7rMPlgZ5yvcHVSC-CGE7bQmkuKb4HswWUcK5f0HGlY3CAs/s320/n.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoKxNJb5AId-Cnry5V43hIkp5mGfr2cbGogqYIMbMLTW3J-kps_nbG_Aujgb6fV-HGQTxvuyrDkUX78o9mkOU0BBrMpfj9EcU-dNl0zOwJJOsP1HcQN3D7Rmchc8hnCHkhQZD6DyskrQ/s1600-h/e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoKxNJb5AId-Cnry5V43hIkp5mGfr2cbGogqYIMbMLTW3J-kps_nbG_Aujgb6fV-HGQTxvuyrDkUX78o9mkOU0BBrMpfj9EcU-dNl0zOwJJOsP1HcQN3D7Rmchc8hnCHkhQZD6DyskrQ/s320/e.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I will chat with all of you lovelies tomorrow. Sorry I'm being so negligent of my blog and whatnot. Hopefully I'll have time to breathe tomorrow at work and perhaps post! Also - thanks for all your support on the break up - really appreciate it :)<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xoxo<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(New Gossip Girl season started yesterday - Hurah! - I mean, it's a shitty show but it's addicting. And who can resist a whole hour of Blake Lively?!)<br />
</div>Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-14409019983139007962009-09-21T15:51:00.000-04:002009-09-21T15:51:19.339-04:00I'm gonna be goodAll it took was a night and I'm totally in control. I'm getting better at this.<br />
So, since that (shady) conversation with my boyfriend I have convinced myself that no matter how tonight goes, I'll be happy.<br />
If we stay together: Hurah, I'm with the man I love and I can continue loving him and loving life. But I'll still have a "talk" with him. I'll say something along the lines of "Look, I know you're in college and if at all you feel like you might want to take a break, let me know. I honestly just want you to be happy and I think that above all, we're friends, and we can still be 'special buddies' (wink wink). I love you but I totally understand if you want to just enjoy the college life. Just don't get an STD. And I know I'm going travelling next year which complicates things because I'm not going to expect you to wait for me to come home. But if you want to stick it out, all we can do is take this one step at a time and worry when we have to."<br />
If we break up: I'll be single for my trip to Queens this weekend (Homecoming - hurahhh!). Also started talking to 3 guys since the scare last night. (Kind of like a slutty security blanket) so guarenteed action either way. And I also won't have to deal with the issue when I go away.<br />
<br />
I love him, though. I really do.<br />
But I'm going to stick to my down-to-earth realistic self and not go back to who I used to be.<br />
I don't need to overthink this. What happens, happens and all I can do is deal with it.<br />
<br />
I'll be back with more thinspo tomorrow.<br />
Have a wonderful night, ladies!<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-22162340622825930972009-09-20T20:44:00.000-04:002009-09-20T20:44:12.209-04:00Here we goPretty sure my boyfriend is coming home tomorrow to break up with me.<br />
I can handle it. I can handle myself. But I feel so fragile. I feel like I've been living on a wire strung across everyone else's needs. And now there's a breeze and I'm going to get thrown off.<br />
I feel a downward spiral coming on.<br />
Here we go.Weighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-66904789097084883092009-09-16T14:14:00.001-04:002009-09-16T14:16:04.894-04:00J.T.Haven't written in a while because I have nothing new to report on, really. I'm still sitting at good ol' 122. Ugh. BUTTTT I'm joining the gym down the road from me. All the older guys I know work out there (I say older because all my friends my age have gone off to uni so now I hang out with the older crew). Should be good!!!<br />
<br />
I'm making a goal to be 120 by Monday. It will be hard because I have a wedding to go to and I'm planning sushi on Friday with my sister but I'm ready for a challenge.<br />
<br />
Anywhooo... Since I have little to nothing to write about, I'll share some thinspo. <br />
Introducing photographer Juergen Teller. He's recently done done editorial spreads for W and does a lot of shoots for Vivianne Westwood and Marc Jacobs and did one a while ago with Kate Moss. I just love his style. His photos has such unique colouring and texture. They range from everyday casual headshots to way-out-there-in-your-face-nude shots. Gotta love it. (I made em' small so I could put a bunch so click them to see full-size)<br />
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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9OdsNv4mFqSI2e2he_fmR58XH3AymVnmyOZ2zTmkPFzo4dY0gDMgW3oi4FTfk0GpiDb_4KpuBwec_O8D43bsHnORxeI1nqJTLWCHjfhCt5oKR4S7_6znk4CqA55GS2UgmpVKUxn643TM/s200/6.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><br />
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Photos are messy - Blogger's horrible for uploading and organizing them!<br />
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That's it for now.<br />
Love you all<br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-8701335215951577812009-09-12T08:26:00.000-04:002009-09-12T08:26:52.661-04:00Ughh SonGotta make this quick<br />
<br />
Bad News: Told my best friend a little bit about ED. Basically said, once an ED, always an ED.<br />
Good News: I think she's an ED - we both took laxies last night.<br />
Bad News: I haven't shit yet and I'm about to go play soccer.<br />
Good News: I have 3 soccer games today (only 50 mins. each) to burn off some popcorn and egg from last night.<br />
Bad News: I ate popcorn and eggs when completely hammed last night.<br />
Good News: I got completely hammed last night.<br />
<br />
Tonight I may spend the night in Toronto, or I may go party at my friends' new place around the corner. Depends on how we do in our tournament today.<br />
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PS - My stomach is getting flatter and my lovehandles are dissapearing, not as fast as I'd like, but it's happening and it's progress and I'll take what I can get.<br />
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Hang in there, Lovelies :)<br />
And have a great weekend! <br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818183705332387087.post-5669278302723506132009-09-11T14:17:00.000-04:002009-09-11T14:17:09.314-04:00Hello, LoveliesToday is a slow and quiet Friday, just how I like them :)<br />
In fact, I'd rather work not end. I've gotten used to not eating here. During my last cookie purchases for the office (part of my job is to keep all that good stuff in stock) I bought Rice Cakes (Butter Popcorn - 35cal & Parmesean - 45cal) and Rice Thins (80cal per 10). So I'm no longer tempted to stuff my face with Cherry Turnovers - which I dicovered have 110 cal each!!! Ew!<br />
But back on subject, I just don't eat at work. If anything, a couple nibbles and a few Diet Cokes. And I just pretend to go out for lunch or just skip lunch break all together. Home is the real problem. As soon as I walk in the door - my instinct turns to food. I might not even be hungry, I just WANTWANTWANT it. And I usually want it all. Ugh. But tonight, my mom wants to go to Sushi Date. I NEVER turn down Sushi Date but I honestly do not want to eat. At all. So I convinced her to get take-out so I can purge quickly thereafter. <br />
Sushi is not even the worst of it - Afterwards my friends and I planned to get reallllly high and go see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. And eat spagetti after. AHHHH! Maybe if I tell them I went to Sushi, they'll understand. I just don't want to get high anymore. All I do is eat.<br />
Anywhoooo... enough of my ramblings. I found an old free verse that I wrote. I created an image of a woman (the best friend) and shortly after finishing, realized that this is the woman I want to be. This is how I want to be percieved: unpredictable and chaotic, wild yet in control, beautiful and saultry. Distant. Read and you'll understand.<br />
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<em>The smoking was evident in her elongated “h”s which rattled faintly. The accent was slight and only apparent in the upward tilt in peculiar words and at the end of her sentences. Time had gotten the best of her. Her laugh lines had gone from indents to creases, imprints of good memories I had no part in. Rings of sleepless nights decorated around her eyes. Her skin was golden, ornamented with a plethora of freckles and, unlike her skin, her hair had turned a few shades lighter to a dirty blonde. Her messy updo left wavy strands dangling at the sides of her face, partially hiding her ears she still had yet to grow into. Her clothes hung loosely from her brittle, bony frame. Her cheek bones protruded giving her tired, green eyes a bolder stare. She seemed to stare right through me, beyond me, into another world she had discovered. I wanted so badly to see what she did, to understand the thoughts that waded in the green of her eyes, but she couldn’t see the longing swimming in my blue ones. She couldn’t see how much I wanted, no, how much I needed her to stay. I needed her so bad that, if she hadn’t turned around and walked away within that split second, I would have followed her to the end of the world. But all I could do was stand, stunned, her raspy goodbye echoing in my ears, setting off sirens in my brain and causing my heart to palpitate. I wanted our life back, the one we created and bathed in for so long, riding waves, sinking and floating. I know her bipolarity travelled North and South and took advantage of both of us. I could have handled the cold Arctic, I could have handled her searing stare that can make my skin bubble, but I couldn’t handle the blank face she held opposite to mine that day. I couldn’t handle the sight of her back as she walked away, head held high. I couldn’t handle that feeling of invisibility that settled upon me, along with the weight of the world. </em><br />
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<em>So I turned my back, head lowered, and I, too, disappeared. </em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>So long, again, best friend.</em> <br />
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That's all for now. Hope you all have a wonderful Friday :) <br />
xoxoWeighting2Escapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12443809728606673396noreply@blogger.com2